extreme sports

how much can a heart take? how extreme can it go?


this period has been extremely trying for me. the emotional extremes that i go to have been unbelieveable. Sometimes, i just wonder how far else i can go.
from extreme happiness, for a close friend, to extreme grief. how is that possible?

there are now no more reasons of any sort for us to meet. what has happened has happened and today marks the day when every link between us is now officially cut. and yes, it does cuts like a knife.
3 times. 3 times over and you would have expected things to be better for you. afterall, practise makes perfect, ain't it? you should have been immune to the hurt now, shouldn't you? but alas, 3 times, don't mean third time lucky. 3 times, and it still hurts as the first 2.
the first was hard.
the second was tough and i really thought that i would have been done in by it. afterall, i have never let myself give anything less than 100%.
the third, seemed to have harden me in a way i don't like. i have turned into someone or even something i cannot imagine i would become.


back then, i knew that she was still paying back her school loan. i helped her return the remaining sum. afterall, we were suppose to be together, and her liability would become mine. that was the excuse i used. truth is, i love her too much and i could not bare to see her slog over money. today, she wrote me a cheque for half the sum. i told her to take it back. she refused. just when she got out the car, for the last time, i told her not to bother to send me any money since i will will not bank in any of it. she closed the door, and walked toward the mrt station. i could not bare to look at her and i sped off.
it was not a nice thing to say, but what else can i do? i have become something i hate and i have to live with it from now on. good excuse huh? everyone else need not have to live with me, they have a choice to walk away. i can never walk away from myself.


my head aches right now. i feel a sudden coldness over my heart, not unlike the way i felt last year, on my birthday. it is something which chills my whole body and wake my mind up, telling it that another sad chapter, that is my life, has ended.