Ok, I don't know about you but I just realised that over the last few days, whenever I feel a little down, for whatever reason, all I need to do to perk myself up is to read my latest story.

I have no idea why. I mean, its sort of like tickling yourself now, ain't it? You just will not feel ticklish if you are to do it yourself. But the strange thing is when I read this particular story of mine, it really does perk me up. I know that it is a nice ending, which is no different from my other few before this. And yet, it just feels... right.

Oh well, I know that this is sort of like blowing my trumpet, but don't get me wrong. I do not think that this is my best one yet, but so far, I have the best feeling for this.

Neah, I do not get royalty or even money for it. But I guess I do get joy from writting them.
If you have any ideas for a stories, why not email me and I will try to come up with one.

Today is probably what I would call, 'shout from the top of a mountain' type of day.
I think you can make out what sort of day it is, as the name suggest.

But its kinda difficult to do that in Singapore now, ain't it?
First up, there are no mountains to climb up to, so we can scrap the mountain part.
Then, if i am to just shout and scream from the top of a building, people will just think I am crazy. IMH will probably send an ambulance down in a jiffy and will have me strapped up in a stray jacket and throw me into a padded cell, faster than you can say count on me singapore!

Anyways, heading into the last quarter of 2004 now. September looms and then comes my favourite stretch of every year.

David thought back to last night. She had cried in his arms and he knew that it was something that was coming. She had left her soulmate for the last 5 years. It was hard on her and she needed to release. She did. It was a short cry but it did her good.

David understood what she was going through. it was a feeling he had come to know well in recent months. Believe me, letting go of a 5 year relationship, whatever the reason, is never easy. I do not think that she came to the decision lightly. There is never a good or bad reason to start or end a relationship, is there? I have known of friends who had left their mates solely because they have 'lost that feeling'. How do you explain that? I have known of friends who had gotten married after less than a year of courtship because that 'feeling was there!'. Go figure, some might say.

I say, don't bother. Just go with it. if you have done all that you feel you can do and it falls apart, I say, stand up and give it another shot. Never give up, until you cannot do it anymore. THEN... try one last time.
if the feeling is there, hey, work on it and make it A FEELING! Then go along with it.

David has not lost any of his idealism after all that has happened.
In the ideal world, in an ideal relationship, love alone, is enough.


I don't think I can explain or understand what I am going through right now.
Many times, I say but i don't explain, because I don't know how.
Many times, I don't speak, not because I don't want, but I don't know how.
Many times, i don't know what to feel, not because I don't want, but I don't know how.

But I really am happy for some of my friends around me. I do believe that they are leading good and happy lives now, and for some they are going on that path. For those who are still searching, i say, be patient, with those around you and with yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself. I do believe that God has put us here for a reason and I doubt that the reason is for us to feel lousy for the rest of our lives.

I never thought that it would affect me this much.

The yearly appraisals are in. I was told by my manager that i had not put in much thought and heart into my appraisal this year. She said that could it be because I knew that it was not a promotion year?

I never did crave for promotions and having a high management role. In fact, I am happy where I am. Getting a promotion was the furthest from my mind. I like my work and I do it, not because of getting more pay and a promotion. Those are just bonus for me, since my work is rewarding enough.

I could not tell her in person because I could feel the emotions welling up.
I wrote her an email telling her that I was sorry. I was distracted and getting promotions are not that important to me. I told all about what is bothering me. I am not looking for sympathy. I just feel that she should know why. I am not hoping for a better appraisal because I feel that she is a fair person and will grade me for my work. I deserve what I am getting and from what I see, it is good enough.
Yet I feel that she should know, because in a way, she is a friend. I am making no excuses for myself. No excuses are needed.
I am professional enough to do what is right. I promised to work hard, work wise.

For all you late night birds out there, here is a few outlets that are open till late. No, i'm not talking about those 24 hours kopitiams.

Did you know that the Burger King at Liat Towers is open till 3am over the weekends? And there is now a Macafe at Shaw, where the steps are. Well, that place was still open and serving drinks at about 2am plus. They were packing up around then, so I presume they close at around 3am.

So, just in case we have a few night cats out there who are crazy enough to be staying out till that late, like yours truly, then you know where you can go to catch a fast bite or a late night expresso.

Control...

I promised myself never to make that mistake again. Control is all that it takes... control, lots of it.

Anyway, I have this idea for another story of mine. Its just an idea right now, and I have no way of knowing how the whole thing wil shape up. It might not even be completed. Simple and everyday idea.

Weekends still need some getting used to. I must admit that I do feel alone many a times, even right now, but I'm glad to say that I am coping well. Maybe all these time is for me to write my stories.

'It started with a simple 2 tone beep...'

"Always bet on black"
- Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57

I think...

I remembered a time when my wardrobe was filled with largely black clothes. That was back when I was younger and black was suppose to be cool, wasn't it? Black on a rainy day, black on a sunny hot day too.
Along the way, I had added colours to my life. Red, yellow, my fave blue and even purple and things were not too bad, with colours in our lives that is...

Well, I still like black. But now, I have black and other colours in and around me. Just like everything in life... we take them in like the colours of our lives.
Red - anger
Green - jealousy
blue - sad
yellow - joy
pink - happiness

and then we have black... a lack of colours. Sometimes, it is good to be black. To me, its like a neutral state. To me, its like I have switched into neutral gear and just cruising along, nothing in the mind and feeling nothing much. In the end, I'm just so much more open to things that come along.

David looked at the watch for a last time. He opened the glass cased cupboard and placed it in its final resting place. This will be where the watch will spend the rest of the its days.

It truely spelt the end of a chapter. There are times when a dream is worth chasing for and there are times when that dream is way beyond us and we must know when to let it go.

He had such fond memories of the watch. He ached the first time he detected a scratch on it and he had hoped that rubbing it countless of times on its glass surface would remove it. After close to 4 years, it was time to retire the watch and to retire the dream.

Friday 13s had always held no fear to David. In fact, he had always thought of them as good days. As far, so good, no real unlucky happenings, but not that he was worried. It had been a good friday 13...
This sunday though, is a little to humid for his liking but nevertheless, he will not be staying out at home. He had done just that yesterday and it was too boring. It helped that football season had started again and this would probably gurantee some sort of entertainment over the weekends, for the next 8 months.

Well what do you know, as he looked out of the window. Just when you mentioned that it was a really himid day, the dark clouds starts to roll in and it looks like its going to rain soon. I guess someone up there must have heard me....

Did you happen to see the fireworks over the weekend?
I did. I caught the one on Sunday. It was spetacular and wonderful. You get a real thrill from looking it the beautiful colours exploding in the sky above. The boom you get from the rockets blowing up and releasing the colours it held within, filling the whole sky.

This is the 3rd time that I have seen fireworks, 'live'. The feeling is still there...

The first time was when the 'Durian' opened. Now that was a real special perfomance which lasted almost half an hour. The next time I caught it was on National Day, last year. We walked up the Sheares bridge and waitied for an hour before we caught part of the fireworks. It was more than enough, afterall the company was good... back then.
So I caught the 'lights' for the 3rd time on the eve of National Day. Though I was in a crowd, it can get mightily lonely at times. But things are getting better...

Many many things...
but always, 1 thing at a time, 1 step at a time...
may not get things done immediately, but at least we are moving forward...

I laughed when I saw the article on Zouk and Mambo night in the Sunday Life.
Really reminded me of years ago. I admit it. I was a mambo junkie once. I went and did the moves out there on the platform. I was in the mix of women, men, drinks and music. Those would good times.

Has it really been that long? 8 years I believe. Time really flies, sometimes, even when you are not having fun.

Nice day, nice weather. So what are you up to today?

"Life is sexually transmitted"
- Flying Dutchman
on Words of Wisedom, Class 95

How true, how true....


Good to go for a long story?

I have a friend, a close friend whom I have know since my secondary school days. That makes us friends for the last 14 years? Something like that...
Well, I'll be the first to admit that I probably have not been there enough for him for the last few years. But he still reminds a close friend and I believe I am one of his, the few that he has.

He parted ways with his girlfriend. It was close to 2 years ago. He felt that the whole relationship ended too abruptly, even though at that time they both agreed that it was the best thing for them. Ever since then, he had been trying to get back together because he realised that it was a mistake and to him, she was THE girl for him.
As for the girl, well, she has gone and changed her handphone number and basically closed off all contact with him.
Him? Well, he still feels that the girl had left him because she had deemed him to be unambitious and with no goals in life. Why? Well, because he was unemployed - he left his job of 1 year plus - and was in between jobs. The problem started then and this issue of him not working came up from time to time. Thus, he assumed that this was the main cause.

He has been trying and working hard to be a successful person since. He wants to make it fairly big and then go back to her and show her that he is no bum. Then he wants to ask for another chance. He still has her a pic of her in his handphone.
To him, she is her soulmate and most likely the one God has set as THE one for him. Nothing and no one else really matters.

I have been talking to him about it. I want him to know that hope is good but at least he should be open to all possiblities. He must want to look forward and not just look back. God can open a door of opportunity for us, but we must want to step through it.

I feel so hurt for him, because I know his pain, personally. Its not easy and 2 years is not exactly long but neither is it short.
All I can do is to listen as a friend and say my piece. I can only do this much, because at the end of the day, to step through the door or not, is a personal choice.

You can say that I may have grown stronger; some can say that I have grown colder. You can even say that I have lost the fire, or maybe I have just lost it.

Love lost, emotionally, perhaps it the hardest thing for a person, be it of a father/mother or a spouse/mate. At the end of the day, we have a choice - painful choice and one that we need to remind ourselves constantly - but nevertheless a choice.

Maybe I have gone through a fair bit. I am not saying that I have gone through more heartbreaks than anyone, just that I believe it is ok for me to say that the heartbreaks I have gone through are not your conventional sort. They probably affect me much more, the way things went. Like a human, we grow with each lesson in life.

I am not close to having another relationship. In fact, I would probably look forward to another if and when it happens. But right now, things are getting back on track for me. The human truely is a one that has remarkable recovery powers. The mind is an incredible piece of work and the heart is stronger than we ever know, in more ways than one.

There is lots more that I can say but I think I have exhaust your reading concentration for 1 day. There are many many things I don't understand and I learnt that sometimes I cannot seek to understand everything. Instead, I will seek to understand what I should. The rest, I will leave it people better than I am. At the end of the day, I just want what everyone wants. I just want to be happy...
my choice, no one else's...

I may have to make like Marco van Basten and retire from football early. Thats something which I dread to think of but it may be a reality I have to face up to.

I sprained my ankle 1 month ago and up till now, it is still a little weak and sometimes it aches. There are times when I feel that it is not able to take my weight. Aiyah... I see my soccer dream fading away. Time to take up a milder sport.

How are we all doing today? Its not as gloomy a day as yesterday, the weather, so our mood should all follow suit and brighten up as well.
Remember, there will never be rainy days all throughout the year.

I'm slowly getting on track. What about you?