Have you ever been so sure of something... something you have already given much thought to, and am very sure of what you are going to do. In fact, you are on the verge of doing it, but strangely and quietly - no suddenly, mind you - a very little, small, tiny matter to say the least, comes up and it makes you stop in your tracks. You stop and think about a lot of things. You stop and your mind is in a mess because you just cannot comprehend how this can happen. How such a tiny matter as this, can actually come up and make you feel this way. More importantly, why -  after all the thinking and considering and steeling yourself up for IT - are you affected by this small detail and the most amazing thing is that you are thinking of a complete U-turn...

My friend reminded me just a couple of nights ago.
Somethings happen for a reason. We just have to find that reason...

Bungee jumping....

Why bungee jumping now, you might be asking?
Do you know what you need when you bungee jump? Do you know how you can go about doing it?
Well, first up, you will need to be devoid of feeling. You cannot open your heart to any feelings at all, not joy because when you open your heart, unavoidablely, fear will creep in and then you will not make the jump. After you have taken the step off the edge, then all your feeling will come rushing in because you have reached the point of no return. You can't scream stop because gravity is a bitch. She does not stop for no one.

I needed to be in my bungee jumping mode today. I was totally devoid of feelings, nothing, I felt nothing. I went about what I needed to do and there were a few times when I nearly lost it but I regained my composure and maintained. Until I have reached the point of no return...

Bungeeeeeeee.........

I want to start by apologising for my behaviour.
No excuses and I offer no excuse.

Sometimes it comes on suddenly, at times it comes along gradually.
I think nights are the worst, since you are along in the room and that leaves for a lot of time and space to let your mind wander.

I can't make out what is happening and where I am headed but I guess it takes time. I got to want to also, and I want to. So thats a start I guess.
Lets face it, that is still lots of stuff that I want and can do so I should really be getting down to them.

29 and just 1 more year to the big 30. I have no idea why people view it as such a big thing because age to me is just a number. The mind is the more important matter here and my mind is really aging well.

Oh, and I had a haircut. The difference betweent this haiarcut and the ones I usually have is that 1 of this is equivalent to 4 of my old ones. Ha! So you go figure....
My first investment, hopefully, the first of a string of successful investments!

Flea Market

We had a charity event today. It was a small bazaar of sort and all the proceeds will go to the MINDS Tampines Home.

I am proud to say that I was in charge of the flea market. We had appealed for staff to donate their 2nd hand or unused stuff to us and we will sell them at the flea market. All the proceeds made will go to the home. Any leftovers will be donated to the Salvation Army.
Guess what? We made close to 300 dollars! Not bad for about 3 hours of work erh? I was really happy do that. Of course, I did my share by buying the food from the food stall and I bought the handicrafts done by the residents at the home. But my proudest contribution is the henna I got. I have 1 done today for a grand total of 5 henna tattoos now. I wanted more lah...
Maybe I should consider getting a temporary tattoo which lasts for a couple months. What do you think? hmmm...

Oh yes, i bought a bookmark and a book too. hmmm... will this signal a start of my reading ways again? We'll see. Hopefully.
I remembered a time when I went to the beach and sat on a bench facing the sea. I sat there and read. It was sunny but I was under shade. There was a breeze and it was cool. aaahhhhh...
The simple pleasures of life.

We have only just started to live. Many years have gone by when we were not earning out own keep. We had to depend on our parents. Now the tables are turned and we need to support our parents instead. But it also means that we now have the means to support ourselves and we are now able to buy what we want and go where we want to go. In a way, we have grown up...
And we know the responsiblities that come along with growing up. We now have to look after our parents, our siblings, our partners and most importantly, we now have to look after ourselves.

I always a advocate a good cry. God knows I have done that many a times, the last was not too long ago. I feel really good after that. Its not something I would do in public, instead, I want to do it in the privacy of my own surroundings. I know how good it feels. After thats done, the next sunrise will be another brand new start of me. Deep in the recess of my heart, there lies many cuts and scars. Many of them, I will treasure all my life and they will follow me throughout my life. At the end, no one is going to take them away from me because they are mine. No one else will know how it feels even if I gave them to you.

Sometimes its hard, at times its easy -  not unlike the Singapore weather, sometimes it rains, other times, it sunny.
At times, it hits you when you wake up or it might even decide to pay you a visit just before you go to bed, thus ensuring a fitful sleep.
You have woken to rain outside and you have went to bed when the weather is terribly humid.
Just like the unpredictable climate, you could be driving from east to west and it rains in Tampines, stops and becomes sunny when you hit the Bukit Timah area then it rains cats and dogs over in Jurong. No need to wash car...
 

I met a couple of old friends. Friends who have known each other for more than 10 years. It has been that long. Both of them are getting married, 1 in August and 1 in September. We have not really kept in contact but we never did have problems communicating whenever we met. The conversation we had today lasted a good 4 hours. It would have been more had we not had to rush off home. It was good to share with my 2 old time girl friends.
 
Each of us had been through really hard times and really good times. We had shared them among ourselves and had supported each other in our times of needs. Perhaps it was the work that kept us from meeting up more often but I have a feeling that we would probably be seeing more of each other from now on.
 
We have grown strength to strength over the years. I think there will be many more years to come.

I have a few close colleagues at work. I would rather call them my friends instead of merely just colleagues.
 
After what has been happening to me, I would rather that they hear from me as oppose to hearing it from another person.
This particular friend - we worked together in our Social Comm at work so we are pretty tight - is a nice person who is concern about people around her. So I told her. The moment she heard the news, she started to cry. I was quite surprised actually at her reaction because she was always a smilely and happy person. She told me that she was just really sad for me and it showed. People around us at the hawker centre must be wondering what I had done to her! But it was a reaction that I never saw coming.
 
Which just goes to show how much an effect your presence in this world is to many people around you. I don't think this is just resevered for me. I believe that each and everyone of us has and will leave our mark with many many people around us.
 

Retail Therapy
 
Ok, I'm not sure how many of you out there are into retail therapy to raise the doom and gloom in and around your life. I am not much into it though I am admit that I have indulged in it from time to time. The amount I spend each time is quite negligeble, considering that I am not a shopping kinda person.
 
Well, I have gone and top all of that. I have gone a shopping spree, not so much in terms of quantity, at least not in the number of stuff I have gone and bought.
I have spend that huge-est amount of money up to date. I have gone and bought a car.
Oh is that for retail therapy, try and top that!
 
 
I know that I have not exactly been myself for some time now. Or maybe this is my true self. Perhaps? I don't know. I'll try my best to be around for those who needs me, and I hope that they will come a-knocking. But no worries, I have not forgotten you, just that I have been lost in myself lately. The weather does not help much either, since its been raining
 

ok, its official. I'm jinxed, at least for the better part of this month. Whatever I do, it will fail, whatever I buy, it will not work. I buy 4D, it does not open, I stop buying and it opens (this I kid you not! Its true!) I buy shares, the price drop. I sell shares, the price goes up.
If I were you, I will do everything the opposite of what I do and I'm sure you've got it made.


At the same time, I just realised how decent my friends and I really are. Admittedly, we are lousy when we come to studies, I'll be the first to admit but when it comes to treating people and women properly, we are way up there.
I know of someone who went on a SDU function. From there, she knew this rather 'interesting' guy and proceeded on a date. He brought her to fort canning hill on the first bloody date and then tried to get fresh with her. The usual trying to hold hands and hand on shoulder bit. I mean, is it just me? Its just the first date and this guy is trying this bloody stunt. No wonder he needs to go to SDU. He just can't get any girls without being setup! I'll probably burn for this but I must say that the average joes in the the show 'Average Joes', are much better looking than him!
Ok, with that last statement, I guess I'm going to wake up with my face covered with pimples tomorrow morning, but I still believe that I am right. If any of you see the dude, I think you will agree with me too.

Anyway, you would have guessed that I am into ranting and raving also today, though in my thoughts only.

I remembered often, when I was drunk back in those days, I always begged for someone to stop the room from spinning so that I can get off.
Today is one of those days, when I hope for the world to spinning so that I can get off.
STOP!

We all do know that life as it is, has changed.

I have changed. You have changed. We all have changed. Changed to what, now that is the question now, isn't it?
I have often wondered if I would have been able to live a different life from what I have led so far. Would I have wanted to live a different life? Well, from what I have seen in the movies and what I have seen in real-life, I do realise that i am pretty contented with my life. I do not think I would want to live anyone else's life. Maybe because I have been in this skin for almost 29 years and I have grown comfortable. With what I am and what I have become.

Many a times, I have taken time off and just look back at what had transpired in my life for the last few years. I needed to see and know that I have done all right. Not good, not well, but just all right, is enough for me. I can't really be asking too much of myself, because a part of me always feels that I have fallen short.

I went to watch "Super Size Me' and it was really a good movie.
It was a docu-movie about the derimental effects of eating fast food. We all know that eating fast food is not good but the movie kinda put into pespective what 'not good' really is. Can be funny at times but the message does hit home. Eat healthy, live healthy. I must admit that I am starting to look at food rather differently right now. Apples anyone?


I must do a great big "thank you" to this friend of mine.
She leads a very busy life. Work has been really hectic for her, sometimes she needs to work at least a 12 hour day, at times even more. She works even on weekends, to help out a family member. On top of that, she still has her personal life to lead, friends to entertain and boy friend to meet. Where on earth she found time to meet up with me, I have no idea but she managed.

She will sms me from time to time to check on me. She tries to meet up with me every couple of week just to make sure that I did not have too much idle time on my hands. She knows that an idle mind is the devil's workshop. For all that she had done for me, I am really really grateful and thankful.

I guess I cannot run away from having a haircut soon either. Aiyah...

I am quite chocked up and I wanted to let out a good long shout, but there were no words, no sound a-coming. All I could eventually managed was a soft, stifled laugh. Why I did that, I do not know.


I'm surprised that I have nothing else to say. I'm surprised that I have nothing to rant and rave about.

Tiring day. Long day and my course is finally over.


By the way, in my eyes, I am your close friend and whatever you do, is always acceptable in my eyes. Remember, people, put the ones you love as priority. We close friends will always be around and thereabouts, because thats what we are suppose to do.

At the end of the day, I just hope for the best in all of you. And hopefully, some of those 'best' will rub off on me.

"Love tears us apart, yet we are willing to sacrifice everything for love."
- Director Zhang Yimou


It took a tremendous amount of effort of me to stay awake today but I managed to do it. I have no idea why but it seemed that I began to feel sleepy the moment I enter into a tutorial room or lecture hall styled place. It did not help that the "tutor" was not exactly someone you would call interesting. He was definitely knowledgeable but lets just say that the droning of a bee was much less monotonous than him. Oh well, we need to give and take.


I'm sure you must have seen the lastest Mercedes-Benz advert. It was going on about how you should be born old and spend the first year resting. Then you would stay at the top of the company and spend lots of times with the ones you love before you become young and energetic. Then you would buy yourself a Benz, the new C-Class. They fail to explain why this was probably the best way. Its because you will end your journey as an orgasm.

I did a great job if I should say so myself.

I guess the best compliment I could get was from the Captain of the ballroom, whom I had the pleasure to work with, while coordinating the wedding.
At the end of the night, I went up to him and said thanks.

He told me,"Hey, you can really work man. Are you married?"

"No."

"Well, then, this whole function room is booked and waiting for you."

It was terribly tired. I had been on the go since the break of dawn and I did not get back home till after midnight. But I really enjoyed what I had done and how everything had went off without too much of a glich. It was a beautiful affair and the guests really had fun. First time I saw people getting up to dance to the live band. And the dancers were not the young as you would have come to expect but they were middle age women and men, some even gray-haired, who were there to celebrate the union of a loving couple. Sigh... it was a sight to behold and I am proud to know that I played a significant part in it happening. I like what I saw.

And to think that I almost passed up this chance. A couple of weeks ago, I just could not bring myself to be part of something which I probably will not have a chance to be part off for sometime. Yet, at the end of it all, I realised that I did play a big part in the whole event. I was a part in the couple's lives. I am their friend and I am glad.


Oh, and more signs of me growing up and learning.

"Shortest straw has been pulled for you..."


There is something which I have been putting off. I wonder why? I guess its the significance of it all, once the matter has been settled. Hmmmm.... interesting.


I am grateful for the close friends around me. We all need friends, don't we? Friends, we go to have fun with. Close friends, we go to share our sorrows, on top of our happiness.


I do believe that I should be saving up for a digital camera. By digital camera, I mean a really good one, none of those point and snap type. Hopefully, I would be able to take some really great photos that I can use. Sometimes, you just can't help feeling all nice inside when you see a really good photo.
We saw a really great photo once of the night sky filled with stars. She said that she could never bring herself to go to that place to look at the sky in real life because the view would probably be too spectacular and would have killed her, literally taking her breath away.
I love the way she puts it.

I have officially ran out of lionsuits to wear but I'll still keep this title for this blog. Why? Simply because I like the sound of it.


I must have put on countless number of suits over the years. Lionsuits with the mane worn long; lionsuits with the mane worn short; lionsuits which are torn and tattered; formal one too. I have worn some which had a perpetual smile, some forever looking downright sorry. My lionsuits come in all shape and sizes, all colours and fit for all moods. Never had a favourite lionsuit myself, because all of them are precious to me.

But today is different I guess. I feel a little naked and a little cold. I looked down and realised that I did not have any of my lionsuits on. Feels kinda strange. Well, I cannot expect to be a lion all my life now can I? Can i?....